Fed Up…yet?
A little more than a year ago, who knew we would find ourselves living in a pandemic slowdown and lockdown, and experiencing these incredibly unprecedented social, political, and cultural shifts? On March 16, 2020, I went into a perpetual state of lockdown in my fair city, only to leave the house for important stuff like medical care, hair appointments, and to get donuts from Reading Terminal Market.
I am very fortunate that I can do my job from home. And to pass the time outside of work, for the first few months of social distancing, I kept it light and fun- caught up on the streaming channels backlog, learned some new skills, and ate a lot of bagels.
In June 2020, my sister passed away from COVID complications. It was utterly painful to lose her and then not be able to fully mourn the loss as a family due to social distancing. As a result, I became more introspective. Losing her affected me more profoundly than I realized. Even though she had been sick for nearly 20 years, battling Multiple Sclerosis. Her life had become incredibly limited and relying upon others to care for her. Not the way she wanted to live her life- a woman who was talented, creative, an avid gardener, a loving wife, an adoring mother, and a doting sister.
For nearly 2 decades, she was forced into a perpetual lockdown due to her illness. Just before she passed, she was in the hospital for a procedure. We talked at length on the phone. It was almost as if she knew she wasn’t coming out of this. It was there in the hospital she contracted COVID.
The last day we spoke, we were talking on the phone about many things- most of them silly. But she was sure to tell me how proud of me she was and repeated some of my favorite life advice she had given me over the years. There was the usual stuff like: be yourself; take chances; write what you know; live free and love true. Then her own personalized adages: Don’t trust a man who doesn’t have a hairy chest.; Spend the extra money for the good sheets; Always get cheez whiz on cheese fries.
So much depth, so much simplicity. Sage advice from a woman who lived a hard and fast life for her first 35 years, and then watched it float by her, just out of reach, from a hospital bed in her family room.
Living alone during a pandemic, I took a considerable amount of time to reflect upon many things. I played back that phone call dozens of times. My sister was my greatest ally and supporter. I realized that she could see the beauty of me, but I struggled.
Why? Why was/am I my own worst enemy? My very own greatest saboteur?
Why is it we are often incapable of seeing the beauty that is directly in front of us, within us, a part of us? It took me decades to recognize and honor my unique beauty and authenticity, to respect my own boundaries! And I’m still getting my sea legs. Some days I can walk the straight line, other days it is a stagger, and some days I fall. However, after spending the last decade cracking this code of self-discovery and radical self-love and acceptance, I am armed with this powerful knowledge that I am the Creator of my Reality. And that begins with the story I tell myself and what I choose to believe about who I am. I would never say it is easy because, for some of us, this takes practice…. a lot of practice. But when you are armed with the right tools, you are well on your way to a new level of connectedness with yourself, which turns the volume up high on your connection with others. You recognize, there is no separation. Only perceived disconnectedness is based on insecurities, fears, fuzzy logic, and jaded perceptions of reality.
If you are ready to get more from your life and relationships, the 7 Day Mindset Reset will help you connect with who you are, what’s important to you, and how to catch your thoughts and better manage your mindset. If you are struggling with your thoughts and stories beyond grasping and wielding the art of mindfulness, you may want to consider sources of support like a trusted and talented therapist to help you work through blocks and even help you see your story in a new light.
Remember this, YOU ARE WORTH THAT INVESTMENT IN TIME AND ENERGY. YOU ARE WORTHY OF ALL THAT YOU IMAGINE AND DREAM OF. The only thing stopping you is you! So… I will ask the question yet again, Fucking Fed Up…yet?
