But life is for learning
In the immortal words of Joni Mitchell’s Woodstock, “We are Stardust. We are Golden. And we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden.”
When I was in the throes of My Fake Twin Flame Journey I knew something bigger was at work than just me wanting to be with a Specific Person I desired. I was triggered by my #FakeTwinFlame , and as I write this, a few years later, I know why.
My journey began long before meeting My Fake Twin Flame. Throughout my life, since my earliest memories, I have lived like the Universe was always on my side- even when evidence was otherwise. I met my ex-husband when I was 26 years old and one of his favorite activities was punching verbal holes into my beliefs and theories about life, the soul, and the Universe. It didn’t bother me at first as I could hold my own, but over the course of our 12 year relationship and even the 3 years after divorce still dealing with a real estate situation, my interests in the mysteries of the Universe and my spiritual practices eroded due to the unhealthy dynamic brought on by our energies and his wants and needs.
While I may have entered that relationship with some unhealthy attachment styles and views of how relationships are between men and women, I didn’t usually play small in my relationships. However, there was something about this connection that really tore me down. For a few years after, I compartmentalized the relationship and placed it in a box called “things I don’t want to look at right now”. Rather, I focused the next few years on taking care of my Father as he declined with dementia and I threw myself into my work as I had a demanding job at a software company.
On October 13, 2016 the Universe put a stick in my fast moving wheels. My Dad died. His spirit visited my home around the moment of this death. Shortly thereafter, my life got real interesting. Enter New Year’s Day 2017, when I met my Fake Twin Flame. It would take the better part of the next 2 years to work through the carnage and meaning of that dynamic and what it was intended to do for me. It brought me back to my spiritual center. It showed me how involved and culpable we are as the creators of our reality.
As I was analyzing and healing the traumas that My Fake Twin Flame ripped open, I went further down the rabbit hole of my upbringing and cultural conditioning, I could see how aspects of my parent's’ relationship came up in my own. Although my parents loved each other deeply, I saw where ancestral baggage and the dynamics of gender roles were alive and unwell. I mean, it was the late 1970s and the early 1980s- the Women’s Liberation movement was on the rise. And while my Mother was an over accommodating wife, she was also at the wheel of her own Women’s Liberation movement. While an old school, kind, Catholic girl, my Mother went to work to take care of her family when my Father’s business failed. He went into a depression and struggled to make ends meet. We all went into Save the Family mode. Even us little ones under the age of 10 were put to work- delivering newspapers, my brothers and I had a lemonade stand and collected aluminum cans. Ultimately, we were forced to leave my childhood home-the only place I knew and loved. I never loved anywhere as much as I loved that home and feeling. It wasn’t until I returned to Philadelphia in my 40’s did I feel like I was in my element again. As of writing, I’ve worked through the trauma of the major disruptions of childhood and see them for what they were. I’ve forgiven my parents for their so-called failures and I look to love them and the experiences for what it was and the person it created. This person who is here before you today.
During the pandemic shutdown, I took a deep dive into the connection with my ex-husband, and in hindsight, I could see when/where my soul was doing everything it could to extract me from the relationship, but 3D Me believed I could fix it, I thought if I just did this or changed that, I could change him. How wrong I was. A therapist I went to during the last few months of my marriage, advised me to read the book Walking on Eggshells. It was the first time I considered that there was something diabolical in our connection, and yet, I still thought he could change if I focused on what he was doing and did all this stuff for him to get him to stop being so mean and angry. My ex was well-educated and came from a well-heeled family, I thought he could just figure his chit out and lift himself out of it. I begged him to go to therapy to get his drinking and anger under control, and then I asked him to go to couples therapy with me. But I was naïve. And he was unmoving. His response was- “you’re the one who needs therapy”. Sadly, he had me so programmed, I believed that to be true and off to therapy I went! It took years to see the value of those therapy sessions, but they were hugely important during my self-assessment throughout pandemic shut down. I started to forgive him. But even more importantly, I started to forgive me for betraying myself.
In Summer of 2018, nearly 2 years into My Fake Twin Flame journey, I happened upon #ElleHari , who introduced us seekers to the teachings of Twin Flames Guide, Liora. Through Elle’s YouTube videos we learned about Liora’s approach to helping us manage our energy, collapse duality, and get closer to fulfilling our soul’s goal of Ascension, which apparently, we will never achieve in this lifetime - so don’t be so hard on yourself if you don’t achieve Saint status this time around. Elle’s website offers eBooks for purchase and coaching packages. I never indulged in her coaching, but spoke with people who did. And from what I heard, it is similar to Liora’s #TwinFlamesSacredKeysTeachings that were once available only through purchase on Liora’s website. A few individuals I spoke with said the consistency of coaching, allowed them to persist and move through their blocks/core wound. And all of it is rooted in mindfulness.
After spending most of 2018 looking for a way to get to Liora’s Twin Flames Sacred Keys teachings, I put these Gurus aside and focused more so on mindfulness, and returned to a more focused #selfcare regimen of physical movement, meditation, and returning to some of my favorite Gurus who are mostly Buddhist- Pema Chodron, the Dalai Lama, Thich Nhat Hahn, and I watched Jim Carey’s 2014 Commencement Speech at the Maharishi International University Graduation numerous times.
While I enjoyed all of the Twin Flames content I happened upon along the way, it was creating an unhealthy situation inside of me. I don’t know when or how, but it was Fall of 2018 that I happened upon (again- the first time was in the late 1990s) the formal teachings of Neville Goddard and Law of Assumption. After delving back into these teachings, I started to see things come together through mindfulness and resetting some of my old beliefs. I re-learned how we are the Creators of our reality. We are here to collapse the duality within us to experience wholeness within ourselves and outside of ourselves. Spoiler alert: We all are more closely connected via consciousness than most realize and believe.
In Summer of 2018, I would’ve given a kidney and even sold my soul to get my hands on Liora’s Twin Flames Sacred Keys teachings. And in a way, I did. I had to give up so much of who I was so I could step into who I am here to be. It was when more of this integration happened, did I stumble upon Liora’s Sacred Keys. It appears one of her past student’s formatted her teachings and they are now available on Amazon Kindle.
Enjoy and share the love.
